Stuff No-One Tells You
How many times have you read a listicle promising "10 Things No-one Told You Might Happen During Pregnancy?" And how many times were you actually surprised to learn anything? Not many, I'll bet.
Today I bring you something that truly surprised me, that truly nobody had warned me about.
Farts. Trapped. In. Your. Vagina.
Yes, truly. Farts, the regular kind from around back, traveling forward, getting comfortable, and then finally...sneaking out AGAIN. Aren't our bodies amazing!?!
I had no idea it was a thing until my body was rearranged by childbirth. I'd be sitting at my office desk and discretely eek out a fart. I'd feel a bubble glide forward and then just sort of vanish. Phew! Glad that didn't make noise for the whole office to hear. 20 minutes later, I'd stand up to walk to the printer and Brrrrpphthththpthpthp! It's back! Jiggling and tickling worse than the first time around.
Now my family loves rude, crude body noise humor possibly more than normal, but I'd never heard of farts like these. Turns out, there's nothing to worry about. Totally common, totally harmless. And totally hilarious!
I called it "re-farting", but thanks to hilariously honest people on Reddit I have since learned some even better, and funnier terms for the phenomenon. Some people only experience a "vart" after childbirth. Some labia owners have been plagued by "box cutters" as long as they can remember. Some partners even lovingly call it the "exit through the gift shop." Click over to this article and it's links if you enjoy the grosser side of life. I promise an enjoyable read. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/front-farts
If that's not your cup of tea, skip the article and rest assured that if this is happening to your body (postpartum or not!), you are not alone. You are not gross. You are a biological marvel.
From Debby Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute, "The body is cool/interesting/funny and the more we all accept our bodies and their sights and sounds and smells, and yes, fart movements too, the more relaxed we will be."
Hear, hear! Farts are funny, and they're even funnier when shared with a friend. Just like I'm sharing with you. <3